Milk
by lovetodreamxo
Summary: Link is sent by his wife to the market in search for milk for their family, but ends up running into one of his lovers in the mids. He is faced with the kidnapping of his family from an unwanted visitor, and blackmailed from an accusation. Link is faced with the safety of his wife and son, or his marriage on the line.
1. Milk is a Bitch

**Hey Dudes, I thought of this story one night in my bed. Pretty awkward, but that's what it is. This story won't be long, it's supposed to be humorous and dramatic, so enjoy!**

_Not much more to know, so yeah._**  
**

_I made up their sons name, I had zero clue what to name this little fart._

_And **reviews**...I like them...Yes, I like them a lot. _

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"Midna…"

The twilight realm princess wipes the tear out of her eye, staring into our hero's eyes, face-to-face. The gentle winds of the Hyrule Field blew her long orange hair back, as she slowly touched his cheek, not looking away from each other. Link slowly put his hands on top of her hand that was touching his cheek.

"We've gone through a hell of a ride together, Link…I can't thank you enough." Midna's eyelids lower, "but now that my body has transformed to my true self, I have to-" she pauses, "I promise you'll stay in my heart…forever."

Link tries to speak, but she puts her finger over his lips. "Shh," she gently says, "Don't speak, you'll make things harder.." she takes her finger away from his lips, he stares back at her, into her dark red eyes. He truly was caught by her beauty. "I need you to do one thing for me, Link…"

Midna takes her two fingers and lifts up Link's chin to her level, leaving their faces parallel, slowly inching closer to his lips. She whispered softly to him, "Link…"

_Link.._

_Link…_

_Link…._

Link, wake up!

Link repetitively blinks his eyes waking up to see Zelda calling out to him, with a bucket of water in one hand, and the other on her hip. "Aww," she whines, "I was hoping to dump this bucket of water on you if you." she shakes her head, "You're such a heavy sleeper!"

"Yeah.." he says, running his eyes, "we don't need a repeat of that."

Link smiles, then elevates from the bed, shaking out his bed-head. The homely smell of firewood and evergreen trees flustered Link's nose as he yawned. "C'mon, I need you up, we got a long day!" Zelda puts the bucket down, then steps back. A little figure comes running into the Hyrule castle bedroom.

"Daddy - Daddy - Daddy!" A child's voice yelled. Link turned to the arch of the exit to see his child running with his short legs towards the bed, then hopping on the bed to hug his father.

"Whoa, little man!" Link embraced his son, "Hey, you scout!" he rubbed his head. Zelda leaned her back on the tallboy dresser, smiling at the two bonding and laughing with each other. The gentle breeze from the window set the mood as the happy family was together. She walked over to them and picked up her son.

"Okay, Kolyn, come to mommy, squirt." Zelda said softly, grabbing him from the back, lifting him up as the child solely resisted and whined, "Daddy has to get ready. Right?" she raises her eyebrow at him, expecting a yes.

Link looks at his wife with a puzzled face expression. "Yeah…" he slowly said, "and daddy is waiting as to _why_ he's getting ready...so early?" he said confused.

The princess made a finger motion to 'come here' as she left the bedroom with their son. Link stretched his arms out as he left the bed, putting on his clothing. His dirty-blonde hair never needed brushing, it always fell into place. He truly was a ladies man, there's no doubting that. On his way downstairs to the kitchen, he saw the beautiful princess turn around, almost in slow motion, as the sunlight hit her glowing face and blonde hair. The view of that made him grin.. Then her face went emotionless.

"Link." she folded her arms and her lips puckered to the side, "I need you to get some milk from the market."

Link's jaw dropped, "_That's_ what you called me down for?!"

Her face went sour, like she was about to punch him. Link immediately closed his mouth and caught his words. He sighed, "All right. You're the boss."

"Daddy!" their toddler was the size up to Zelda's calf. He looked like Link more than he did Zelda. He always carried a blue soother in his mouth or in his small palms and with his matching blue top.

He straddled from behind his mom, "Will you-you get me my-my-" Zelda picked her child up and walked over to Link, "He wants his milk, now go." she gave him a warm smile and a gesture telling him to leave.

Link shrugged, and put on his Hyrule shield and master sword, making his way out to the grand balcony of the castle. The sun beamed down on him, then felt a hand on his shoulder gently being placed. He turned around to see Zelda's face, then turned and faced her with their son in her hands, smiling and cheerful as he always is.

"Be careful now." she smiled as she pushed her hair back with her free hand, "I don't care how many people you've saved, I don't want you getting into trouble."

"You worry too much, princess." he smirked. They both inched in closer as their lips touched passionately, saying their goodbye. From moving away from her face, he saw his son's hand stretch towards him. He kissed the top of his little head and pinched his cheek. "Later little buddy."

As Link descended down the stairs, he passed the trusty horse Epona, patting the horses neck. He looked back at his wife and child waving to him farewell. "Hurry, Link, or you won't taste my amazing cooking in time!" she cheered. "Bye-bye, Daddy!" Kolyn mumbled.

"Yeah, just promise you won't burn down the kitchen this time." he laughed, as he turned around to head down to the market.

"Don't you worry," a posted guard commented, "we'll be on heavy surveillance this time...our princess may be beautiful, but she needs to brush up on her cooking skills."

The hero nodded, and head out to the castle market in search for milk.

Yes…Milk.


	2. Ganon's time to Shine

Man, was it a humid day, and no shade present in the market, it might be a hassle to find milk. Searching left and right, Link looks for a place that might sell milk. He's never actually bought milk, that was usually Zelda's job, but it's good to switch things up sometimes.

Link places his hand above his eyes for some shade, looking, but not seeing a selling in sight. "This is what I get for listening to Zelda." he mumbles, "I have no insight on where to purchase milk." he sighs.

He turns to a random citizen in a rush to get to someplace, but stops them. "H-Hey! I'm in a rush!" the fat lady said, huffing. "Is there something you need of me?!"

"Actually yes - there is." Link calmly said, "I'm in desperate need of…milk?"

"Excuse me?!" she held her chest with a big gasp, "Is that any way to approach a lady!?"

Link stood there with a blank face, then realized what she was saying. "No, no…" he said awkwardly, "Milk…from the market…"

She removed her hand away from her chest, then awed, "I-I'm sorry." she quietly said to him, "I work at the grocery market near the west exit," she started, "we haven't had milk for the past week, sorry lad.."

Link nodded, "Thanks…you can leave now."

"Oh. I'm glad I can help, nice meeting you, kind man." she waddled off with the flow of traffic of the other citizens. By time he looked back, she was already gone. Our hero was now in a tough part. He couldn't return home to an angry wife and hungry child, so he had to come up with some type of plan…

Then he thought, Ordon.

Goat milk.

Bingo.

Was his name, O.

Link rushed back to the front of the castle-home to reach Epona eating the side grass. He quickly mounted onto her, making his way out of the heavily packed market, on his way to his former village he lived at. Reaching Hyrule field you have your typical bad guys outside the gate of castle town. Link unsheathed his sword and slayed any monster approaching his way. The sun slowly settled and the orange skies greeted the lands. Epona slowed down as they came to Faron Woods. Going past the spring and the bridge gave Link memories of the trouble-some village kids, and Ilia, Link's longtime village friend. Shortly across reminiscing, we reached Link's home.

"Hmm.." he thought, "This place hasn't changed one bit."

Link dismounted Epona, to analyze his old home in the treehouse. A lot of work has gone into his home that he once lived in. Living with Zelda, he didn't have to worry, but it was still impressive. A few spider webs formed on the spaces of the wooden ladder. He ran his fingers though the transparent webs, thinking back on the good memories of Link making the tree home.

"I'll have to go in there sometime soon." he patted the ladder, then patted both hands knocking off the dirt off his gloves.

Taking a lead on the trusty horse, they made their way into the village, not knowing what to expect.

He left Epona by the ally way to the former hero's home, and walked up to the ranch. Surprisingly, no villagers were out, so it made time more scarce.

"Link! How have you been, buddy!"

The goat owner hollered from the other side of the field. "I'm just about to close up the barn, was there something you needed?"

"Yeah, there was." he ran up to him, "I know it's been a while, but I'm kind of behind schedule." Link explains.

"Oh, no problem!" they finally meet to each other, "I know you been living all high-and-mighty now with the princess since you're marriage, but stop by here sometime, will ya?"

"Yeah, I will. I just wanted to know If you could spare me some goat milk." he folds his arms, "Zelda asked me, and there was none at the market…so I thought I could get some from here."

"OF COURSE!" the un-named goat herder exalts, "I just milked some fresh, go ahead and grab some."

"Thank you." he backs up, "I knew I could always count on you."

Link walks to the barn and sees a few bottles of milk on the ledge ready to be shipped out to Castle town and snatches one. The smell of the goats hit his nose right away, and the constant noise of the goats whining. It brought back more memories of controlling the Goats back into the barn when it was time to close up. Making his way out of the dark damp barn into the orange skies and the barn owner.

"Aye, too bad Epona isn't here, I would've asked that you helped me bring the remaining goats back." the barn owner sighed, "It's been good seein ya, Link."

"Take care."

Making his way out of the barn, Link's mission has been completed. Nightfall was approaching, and he had to be back in time for his wife to cook, and not give him shit when he comes back. Link hopped over the barn fence, and looked out in the village. Not much people were outside, but it sure was quiet. Questioning to say 'Hi' to the former villagers. Without turning back, link was making his way back to the tree house to go back to castle town.

"Hey." a voice said from behind him.

Turning around dramatically, he was Ilia, and a smile immediately came across his face. She looked the same, her hair still short, with a sweet smile and kind atmosphere. She had some new village wear, and same attitude. "It's been awhile…why haven't you visited Mr. Big shot?"

Link sighed, and scratched his head. "It's been hard. I miss this village." he admitted.

"Mhm." she walked closer to him, "You just left, Link.. You didn't say goodbye…I didn't know you'd be gone forever."

"I was going to-"

"No, you weren't!" she yelled, "…Like the reason you came was to get your milk, wasn't it?"

Guilty Link looked down at the bottle of goat milk he was gripping. He knew she was right. He probably wouldn't have come back here if it wasn't for the unfortunate market not getting the goat milk.

"I'm sorry, Ilia." he whispered, "Being here now, I do miss everyone."

"Even me?" her voice raised.

He paused before answering, "Of course, Ilia." he stuttered, "Why wouldn't I…"

"I missed you two, Link." she blushed, "I-I bet your wondering where everyone is…nothing big, it's just getting late, a-and I bet if you came back, they'd be outside."

"I see." he paused, then started walking backward, "Its…getting late." trying to escape.

Ilia quickly gripped his hand that didn't have the milk in it, and pulled him in the opposite direction towards the mayor's home.

"Please, not so soon." she begged, "You can leave in two minutes, I promise!"

Link couldn't refuse, but he knew the princess would be in deep anger if he didn't return soon. "I-I guess not." he agreed.

Ilia had a smile come across her face as she skipped back to her home holding his hand. "I'm glad!" she continued smiling, "My dad isn't home, but he should be back soon."

Link nodded, but his face expression remained in fear. He knew something bad was coming.

Shortly upon reaching the Mayor's home, he remembers the larger home than the other villagers, and Ilia's room upstairs. Link smiled as he scoped the room with more and more memories.

"So…where's your dad again?"

"Dunno."

"You…don't know?"

"Yeah, why does it matter?"

"No reason." Link awkwardly looked away, "Was there something you needed?"

Ilia's shoulders deflated as she gave link a disappointing look, "C'mon Link…" she walked closer to his space, "why are you acting like that?"

Link got more nervous as his prophecy became more real, as he was foreshadowing something bad happening. "What do you mean? L-Like what?"

"So territorial." she interlocked the one hand that was free, "Link, relax…and don't let go."

Speechless he remained as the village mayor's daughter came on to Link, and holding his hand, she pulled him down to her level. She put her other hand on his neck, Link lost sense of what was happening, causing him to lose grip of the other hand with the goat milk, causing it to shatter all over the floor before thier two's feet. Link had moved his free hand to her face, as she let his lips glide across to hers as lips met. The firewood crackled away with what remaining light there was outside, and helpless Link took the bait and continued to kiss her. He started to get into the kissing, gripping her tighter, and motioning into her face more, as was vice versa for her.

Then, pictures of Zelda and his son came up in her head, then he instantly pulled away from her, leaving her devastated, wanting more.

"W-wait, what am I doing!" he quickly turned for the door, but before he could the front door opened fast, causing him to run into a rather large man, realizing it's Ilia's dad, the village mayor.

"LINK!" he yelled with joy, "You came to visit!"

Link stared into his eyes shocked, but couldn't answer and just continued to run out. He dashed for the tree house where Epona was to head out back to Castle town.

"What's wrong with the Lad?" he said to his daughter. "He seems quieter than usual."

Ilia stood there, then ran outside the arch of the front door, "LINK!" she yelled as two streaks of tears ran down her eyes. She turned back inside to her father, "DAD, SERIOUSLY?!" as she stomped back up to her room. He looked at her with a puzzled look.

Shit, I would too.

Link's ride back to castle town was pretty fast, seeing how in distress he was. Sweat droplets ran down the side of his temple, he'd never been in a situation like that before.

Back flipping of Epona and running back into the castle, he yelled, "ZELDA?" he scoped the foyer to see or hear nobody in sight. He stumbled into the kitchen to see writing written across the wall in black ashes of what seemed to be - power.

'_**DON'T FIND THEM OR I'LL TELL YOUR PRECIOUS WIFE. GANONDORF**_.'


	3. The weak use Logic

"Ganon?! This guy never dies."

The kitchen was torn up, windows shattered, and the wall - violated - with the ashes of Ganon's power melted into the kitchen wall, just to convey a message. Not only did dumbass Ganandorf sign his name into the wall, but it was obvious where he would have taken them, he always took the princess' castle, it's like he was homeless…so most likely the temples. Never-the-less, let us not forget, our hero is freaking the fuck out right now.

"What is going on!" he yelled, looking around at the guards bodies on the ground. He kept shaking him, "wake up! I know you aren't dead! C'mon, please!"

One of the guard's eye's open in view of a panic Link, but he had a hard time speaking. Blood was dripping from the side of his temple. "It….was Ganondorf." he groaned.

"Yes, where are the whereabouts on the princess and my son?!" he panicked, "Do you know where they went?"

The guard grunted, then passed out again. It was time for this hero, to go into hero mode. He layed the unconscious body, then He unsheathed his sword and ran upstairs into their bedroom, not seeing anything but an unmade bed, just how it was left before he went downstairs. He ran into their son's room, seeing the giant window present in his room was wide open with the white curtains dancing with the wind. Upon further surveillance, he looked at his son's crib seeing the ripples of where he was lying. Seeing this, Link knew the asshole Ganondorf took their son from the crib where he was once present. He touched the ripples, and wiped his forehead.

"Kolyn…" he whispered to himself, "Zelda…" he looked out the window. "I'll find you."

Our hero hops out on his son's window ledge as he takes the stone used to turn him into a wolf, placing it on him, drastically changing into his wolf form. He hoped back into the room changing his senses and luckily, caught Ganondorf smell off Kolyn's crib. His smell was green, as he stiffed it, the wolf's nose turned. Link then hopped off the ledge and took a journey to find the princess and his son. He dashed faster than usual, maybe because Minda wasn't on his back. It was different, because she was always with him if it be her shadow or her small form. Link didn't stop, running for longer than he thought, until eventually reaching his fate at Gerudo desert, as the hot climate took a toll on him. Making his way closer, it was realized he was at the top where the mirror was shattered. Link made his way up there, not stopping no matter what. Link touched his master sword, returning back to human form, then he heard a organ play his theme song. (YOU KNOW THE TUNE!)

Climbing the stairs to where the mirror wasn't a long trip, but link was out of breath. From the gaps of the columns leading to the top, he saw the pink diamond cages up in the air that Ganondorf once used on her long ago, but this time there was two; one smaller than the other. Reaching the stop, he sneaked so that Ganondorf wouldn't see him. Then it occurred, how'd he get an organ at the top of the mirror chamber so fast. As night embraced the lands, he snuck in closer to see his wife and kid's eyelids closed. Kolyn looked like he was still sleeping.

"Zelda…" Link whispered, "Pst, Zelda!" He looked up at the pink diamond in the sky with their bodies in it. Realizing Ganon was to into his tunes, he just walked to the diamond they were trapped in.

Zelda's eyes open up slowly, then they lit up. "Link!" she whispered, "I love you, dear. I knew you'd come…" she held her fists, "I'm so sorry."

"No, don't be." he whispered, "I'm…sorry I took so long. How's Kolyn?"

"He was sleeping the whole time." she says, "be careful, sweetheart."

"I…" Link pauses, but doesn't finish. The organ stops playing.

He frantically looks over at the giant organ. Ganondorf had stopped playing, but didn't look back.

"Hm.. I must say that I'm surprised to see you, Link."

Yep, Ganondorf.

"I thought my warning would have been enough." he laughed in his deep ugly voice.

Link looked at him silently, "Not a problem. If I can't physically beat you, then maybe some one you love can…one that you cannot fight back." Ganon told him. He quickly turned around to face Zelda. "He cheated." he says…pretty boldly.

Though relentless, Link puts his head down. Zelda burst's out and laughs, "That's too funny!" she laughs more, "Like I'm going to believe a green-headed-looking freak like yourself. What is your deal?!" she disses, then looks down at Link still laughing, then realizes he's not laughing.

"You're….serious…aren't you, Link." she said slowly, then pauses. "Did…you even _get_ the milk? Cause if you didn't, then it would make sense that you're cheating because no one takes all day to get milk b-but the troll is lying, right? l-like I-I-I know you wouldn't **CHEAT** on me, and you **DO** have the milk...right?"

Link got on his knees and looked up at his wife, "Zelda…I'm sorry." he whispered.

The hero knew he couldn't hide it, it was eating him inside. Zelda knew if he didn't get the milk, he most likely was cheating, because the milk was just down the path from them, and if he did go to Ordon, it wouldn't take him all night. Her face turns more pink than the diamond itself. Link knew what he was in for, revealing that to her, though he could have easily hid it.

The princess was pissed. She gripped her fist like she was going super sayian. Link tried interrupting, "Look, before you comment any further- Whoa!" he rolled away from his spot as he see's a light arrow missed him briefly, and stuck into the ground.

"WHOA, ZELDA!" he panted as he dodged more light arrows coming at him.

"You cheating son of a bitch!" she yelled, as more light arrows his way as the shimmering fate tried to pierce him, "I told you to get **MILK NOT SUGAR**!"

Ganon started laughing watching the scene unravel before his eyes. Then got up as he swished his cape behind him. "You see, Link. Since I could never beat you because the 'power' part of the Triforce wasn't ever enough to defeat you, I thought I could beat you this way…simply ruining your marriage." he laughed, then faced Zelda's prism, "GO ON, ZELDA,** FINISH HIM**!" (Mortal Kombat voice)

Continuously dodging light arrows from his wife, Link tries to get a word in, "Hold on!" he says while blocking them with his shield, "You mean you had arrows this whole time?"

"Shut up, and stop moving you pesky little worm!" she angrily yelled, "To think I was going to spend the rest of my life with you! Who was it now, Malon? That Zora? Saria, that girl from the Fortress?, Ilia?! **Minda**?!" she screamed, "There's more I don't know, isn't there you cheating whore!"

"Zelda!" he yelled, "Instead of that, you know light arrows are Ganon's weakness. Shoot him! I'll explain to you…once this is over!" he yelled.

She huffed, "Why should I do that?! So I don't hit you?"

"Zelda!" he took a few breathes, "Where is she getting all these arrows from!?" he said under his breath.

Link continuously kept trying to persuade Zelda, his short-tempered wife. As his guard is focused on Zelda, Ganon walked up to him from behind and grabbed his neck from the front, chocking him and lifting him from the ground. Link grunted and groaned, dropping his shield. Zelda stopped shooting her arrows and gasped from the outcome of her husband.

"Go on, Zelda," The ugly troll looked up at her, "Do it. I'm doing your worthless husband a favor."

She didn't speak. Ganon laughed, then looked at his prey to see his eye's squinting from pain, not being able to breathe from lack of oxygen. "Fool!" he yelled at him, "Try anything and your precious wife and son will be blown into bits. Their fate is a ticking time bomb."

Link dangled from the grasp of Ganon, slowly seeing blurred vision. Zelda started to cry, then gripped her arrows tighter, and aimed it for Link.

"Yes…YES!" Ganon yelled in joy, "**THAT'S IT, ZELDA, END THIS FOOL ONCE AND FOR ALL**!''

A purple glowing ring of power started to form between the grasp of Link's neck and his fists as it burnt his neck. Zelda pulled back her arrow causing light rays to form around the arrow. Drastically awaiting, Zelda let go of the arrow.


	4. Troll under the bridge

The bow was all the way stretched, as she let go of the light arrow. All that was left said, was a groan, a dying one.

Ganon's ugly body dropped to the floor as the light arrow pierced his skull right through like butter. The wind whisper in sorrow, Link dropped to the floor as well, in desperate need for air. Zelda and her son's pink prisms lowered to the floor, then disappeared. Still a sleeping baby, he wasn't aware of what happened, but Zelda walked over to her husband as he was hunched over.

"You see…I couldn't kill you…I-I knew the lives of my people wouldn't be spared if I did that…" she stuttered, "Don't think this gets you off the hook."

Link glanced up at her, and hugged her tight. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "For a second there I thought you were actually going to kill me.. I would've let you."

She didn't hug him back, "Link," she sighs, "Why?"

"She came on to me!" he begged, "You know how helpless I can be sometimes…and besides, I came, knowing to accept the fate I had.. I couldn't let him take my family."

The princess looked at him like she didn't want to, but she wanted to smile. She crouched down to him, and he put his hands on her face. "I couldn't live without you. I've been longing for you since 1987, the first Zelda game."

"I know you're a ladies man…but you're my ladies man. Got that? And tell whoever was trying to mess with you to come at me."

"No. Just no." Link put his hand on her shoulder. "We don't need that."

She smiled, Link went in for a kiss from his wife, she returned it. "whatever." she pushed his chest, walking over to pick up their sleeping son. "lets go. Good thing he didn't see any of this."

Making their way out of the Mirror chamber, our hero and princess walk off to meet whatever fate has in store for them. With an unbreakable bond, they go back to the castle in starts of no more interruptions. Zelda ran back and stomped on Ganon's skull for the hell of it, then ran back up to him.

"Cannot stand being taken from that freak. By the way, that's the last time you're leaving the castle."

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**& for the love of pete, give me a like or two ? or maybe ... a review ! :( billions of views but no feedback/likes.**

**GOSH!**


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